elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
