is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
