The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
