You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
