...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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