morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
