What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
