bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
