her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
