If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
