he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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