one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my fart just growled at me.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
