you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
