ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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