I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
