Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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