We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
