I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
