mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We left the knife in your bed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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