I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
