My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
