there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
