I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
