very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
