Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
