there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
