Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
