a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
