So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
