dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
