people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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