yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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