I am spending my child support on dildos
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
