She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
