Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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