U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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