his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
