Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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