rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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