Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
