Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
