Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
