Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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