Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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