youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
