tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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