Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I could fuck to npr.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize