I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
