She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
