I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
