If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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