lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
