I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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