i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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