Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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