your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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