I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
