I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
