Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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