so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
