my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
