My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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