You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
