in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
