So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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