barbara walters just said penis...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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