I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
