We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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