My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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