thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
