Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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