Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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