ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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